First sleepovers, shopping trips without mum and dad, and being allowed to stay out that bit longer – Britain’s kids have spilled the beans on the everyday moments that make them feel like they’re finally growing up.
New research, carried out by TUI and championed by telly star and mum Josie Gibson, reveals that trust and confidence handed down by parents are the real cornerstones of childhood independence.
The UK’s first-ever Childhood Independence Index, out today (7 July), found that upwards of four in 10 children (41%) say being trusted by their parents is what makes them feel independent, with a further 36% tying that feeling to confidence.
Built on a poll of 1,000 UK parents and 1,000 children aged 10 to 15, the Index unpacks the moments that leave youngsters feeling properly grown up, the ages they think they should first be trusted with them, and the emotions they trigger in parents watching on.
Rather than a single big milestone, the findings point to growing up being pieced together from dozens of small firsts – making a purchase solo, walking to school, splashing out pocket money or bedding down at a pal’s house for the very first time.
For mums and dads, meanwhile, the realisation tends to land in one small, tear-jerking moment when it dawns on them that their child no longer needs them quite as much.
Wanting to explore it all a little further, Josie linked up with TUI to run a lively focus group with children aged four to eight, asking them what makes them feel like “big kids” and the things they’re desperate to tackle by themselves.
Their responses – filmed for the cameras – echoed the survey almost word for word, with trust standing out as the common thread tying both together.
One pint-sized participant proudly declared he intended to sink his pocket money into Premium Bonds, while another swore riding a horse made him feel grown up because “it didn’t even need fuel”.
Others rattled off learning to swim, riding a bike, ordering their own grub and spending their own money as the moments they finally felt like “big kids”.
The Childhood Independence Index also put some of childhood’s biggest rites of passage in order, quizzing older children on when they reckoned youngsters should first be trusted with each.
Roaming around a holiday resort alone topped the list as the earliest, with kids saying they feel ready from about seven.
Staying over at a friend’s came next at eight, followed by being allowed out later with friends at nine.
Ten turned out to be the big one, with children saying they felt ready to travel short distances on their own, walk to school, nip into a shop solo, spend their pocket money and land their first mobile phone.
Listening to the youngsters’ stories, Josie, mum to seven-year-old Reggie, was “left in stitches”.
“They all had completely different ideas about what made them feel grown, up,” said the 41-year-old This Morning presenter.
“Some were excited about ordering their own food, others just loved being trusted to do things on their own, and one savvy seven-year-old was already talking about investing in Premium Bonds.
“I thought, blimey – good on him!
“It was hilarious, but underneath it, they were all saying the same thing – they just want to be trusted and given a little more independence.”
Just like Josie, loads of parents summed up the change as a bittersweet mix of pride, excitement and a lump in the throat.
One recalled twigging their child was growing up “when they no longer wanted to hold my hand”, while another pinpointed the day their daughter “walked into school without turning back to wave”.
Loosening the reins doesn’t always come easy – but holidays seem to make the leap that bit gentler.
Close to six in 10 parents (58%) said they feel more relaxed about granting extra freedom while away, and over three quarters (77%) owned up to easing off the everyday rules abroad, with bedtimes, spending money and screen time the first to slacken.
Kids feel it too, with nearly two thirds (63%) saying they feel more independent on holiday – plenty crediting the extra scope to try new things, make their own calls and take on fresh responsibilities.
To toast those milestone moments, TUI has launched its My Holiday Firsts Passport, up for grabs in selected stores while stocks last, encouraging children to log every holiday first – from sampling new foods and striking up new friendships to throwing themselves into exciting new adventures.
The Childhood Independence Index: When children believe they should first experience key childhood milestones
Age in years:
- Walking around a holiday resort alone – 7
- Staying at a friend’s house – 8
- Staying out later with friends – 9
- Travelling short distances alone – 9
- Walking to school alone – 10
- Going into a shop alone – 10
- Staying home alone briefly – 10
- Going shopping with friends – 10
- Spending pocket money independently – 10
- Getting a first phone – 10
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