Jade and Josh Vow sleep with other people, and the internet has thoughts.
Toxic is the word that comes up most. The couple’s reply: at least they’re not pretending.
The adult creators, together eight years, say honesty rather than exclusivity is what keeps a relationship standing.
And they suspect their loudest critics know the temptations they describe rather better than they let on.
“A lot of people in monogamous set-ups are just kidding themselves,” said Jade, 27, who posts to 69,400 Instagram followers as @littlepidge.
“I have nothing against monogamy, but I think there’s a massive proportion of people who are just pretending that they’re not interested in other people. So many end up cheating.”
Jade, who left Taunton in Somerset for Cyprus three years ago, is careful with the T word.
Monogamy itself isn’t the problem, she says. The trouble starts when couples stop being honest with themselves.
Josh, who hopes to marry her one day, has examples ready.
“The most basic example would be seeing a hot girl and not being able to admit it, or say it out loud, because your partner wouldn’t like it,” he said.
“There’s nothing wrong with it, but it is kept quiet.
“Another big one is flirting. Everyone on earth flirts, but I think a lot of couples couldn’t even say that to each other.
A big portion are just kidding themselves. They’ll be looking at girls on the beach, or the girl will be looking at men on Instagram, but they won’t say that to each other.
“Cheating is lying, but it happens for a reason. We don’t cheat on each other because nothing is secret or behind one another’s backs.”
‘I freaked out’: how it actually started
The arrangement did not arrive fully formed.
When Jade discovered Josh had had threesomes with an ex, her first reaction was not curiosity.
“There was never a big discussion, but when I found out he had threesomes with his ex, I freaked out,” she said.
“I made it clear to him that it wasn’t for me before we moved in together – which he was completely fine with – but look at us now.
“It sounds a little bit mean, but we’re using other people as our sex toys. The beauty is they don’t care.
In fact, they know and it’s fun – everyone’s happy. They don’t have to say ‘I’ll text you later’, they can enjoy the experience and leave.”
Not a lifestyle with a manual
Followers regularly ask the pair how to raise the idea of an open relationship with their own partner.
Jade’s answer comes with a warning attached.
She has watched plenty of couples attempt non-monogamy without the trust to hold it together.
“Even when it comes to trying a threesome, you need to communicate correctly or one person can end up crossing a line,” she said.
“Lots of normal couples want to try these things – threesomes and being open – but it takes quite a specific mesh of people to make a non-monogamous relationship work.
“If we broke up, it’s not like I would be searching for another relationship exactly like this one. It works for us, but that doesn’t mean it would work with anyone.”
For Josh, the whole thing rests on one condition.
“You have to learn there’s no threat,” he said.
“As long as there’s no jealousy or worry. I’m simply not threatened by any man out there.”
Jade put it more plainly: “When you remove threat and jealousy, it just becomes fun.”
Why It Matters
For adult creators, the relationship itself is part of the product.
The Vows fielding follower questions about jealousy and trust turns a private arrangement into an ongoing content stream, and the “toxic” comments feed the same machine.
Outrage keeps engagement moving whether the audience approves or not, which makes a lifestyle that attracts criticism more commercially useful than one that doesn’t.
Non-monogamy content has been drifting steadily into the mainstream, with open-relationship creators building audiences on platforms that once kept the subject at arm’s length.
Josh still wants to marry Jade one day.
The followers, presumably, will hear all about it either way.
